13 Hard (But Worth It) Things Singles Should Do

1. Choose to do things God’s way, refuse to compromise.
2. Wait on God, even when it seems like He’s taking long.
3. Don’t marry just anyone, just so you can be married.
4. Celebrate with your friends when their time comes (and your hasn’t).
5. Don’t compare yourself to others because God has a unique plan for you and He’ll perfect that which concerns you.
6. Trust God’s plan, as well as His time.
7. Don’t settle.
8. Don’t make hasty decisions – check with God even when everything seems to check out on paper.
9. Live and enjoy the life God has given you (now), even though it doesn’t look like the one you planned.
10. Don’t put your life on hold. This shouldn’t be hard, but it’s happening. Don’t do it.
11. Don’t let yourself go – take care of yourself. You are loved and you matter.
12. Let go of the past – past boyfriends, past hurts, past mistakes…
13. Stick with God regardless.

Yes, it may be hard to wait, to keep trusting God, to not compromise your godly standard, to not just marry anyone already… but wishing you had is harder.

Girl, you can do hard things; you’ve got this because God’s got you.

Be encouraged.

What are other hard-but-so-worth-it things that singles should do?

 

 

 

 

 

Ensinglepedia: Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

“Maybe there’s something I could have done differently to keep the relationship.”

“Perhaps, I wouldn’t be single now, if I kept on managing things.”

“I shouldn’t have left him (even though the relationship was unhealthy), at least I’d have someone.”

Can you relate to these thoughts?

I know how it feels to doubt a decision you felt right about, because the events following the decision are not exactly pleasurable.

You’ve been single for too long, now you feel like you were wrong to have left a relationship that you know wasn’t right for you or wrong to turn down one that accepting only meant you’d be compromising.

Loneliness even comes around sometimes and makes you doubt your decision.

Maybe you expected to be immediately “rewarded” with Mr. Good Guy after you finally said goodbye to Mr. Not-so-good Guy, but it hasn’t happened.

Sometimes, it’s not about getting a new guy just yet, it’s about you getting better.

Getting to the Promised Land may not be a walk in the park, but going back to Egypt should not be an option. Just like with the Israelites, God may be taking you through a longer route (you know, you staying single for longer than you expected), so that you can get to know yourself  better, get to know Him better, before He gets to “share” you with someone else – Mr. Good Guy.

Better’s never behind.

Don’t listen to loneliness;

You were right to have left that relationship that cost you your peace.

You were right to not stay with him just because folks were happy for you, whereas you weren’t happy.

You were right to not settle for that guy you were unsettled about.

You were right to not go into a marriage that had more questions than answers.

It may have even been a great relationship, but if God let it end, then He has something even greater in store.

You may never have imagined losing him, but watch as God, the exceeding-abundantly-above-all-that-you-could-ask-or-think doer brings you someone you never even imagined having.

Don’t miss what God’s about to do by being stuck in what could have been.

Trust that God is ordering your steps, perfecting that which concerns you and that may include saving you from some relationships.

God’s not stuck wondering what to do with your life; He’s set to wonders in your life.

Don’t stay stuck in regret, when God is set to restore.

Trust Him and don’t let loneliness, the fear of being alone or being left out, take you back to what God clearly saved you from.

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?” – Isaiah 43:18-19

“Be alert, be present,” the bible says.

You can’t be present in the past.

Maybe you’re missing the new thing God’s doing because you’re filling your mind with “if I knew.”

Let go. Move on.

Forget the coulda-woulda-shouldas and focus on the new thing God’s doing, even if it’s not about bringing new things just yet, but bringing about a new you first.

Because sometimes, the testimony is not that they left and you (immediately) got someone better, it’s that they left and you got better.

Be encouraged.

Ensinglepedia: But First,Wait

“Wait” is only a simple four-letter word, yet there are things with longer words that are way more fun to be involved in. Like “celebrate,” for example.

We’ll all rather celebrate having what we are waiting for, than wait for it. That’s more fun.

Waiting’s not always fun. Waiting can be hard, sometimes, frustrating.

We want what we want and we want it right away.

But sometimes, God makes us wait. Like Abraham, Joseph, David, Lazarus’ sisters…

It’s like He says, “I hear you, but first, wait.”

*******

You planned to be married by 25, that was 7 years ago.

“Someone must not have taken your order correctly,” because instead of being a bride yourself, you’ve always been a bridesmaid. All your friends are married.

People keep asking you the question you wish you could answer for yourself – when will you get married?

*******

“Timing is the Father’s business”, the bible says (Acts 1:7); trusting the Father is ours.

Let God do His thing, let Him perfect that which concerns you.

It’s not late, it’s just been planned for later.

Worrying about “when” will not make God hurry, it will only make us, well, worried. Trusting God, on the other hand -as our source- gives us rest because we know that He gives only good gifts to His children and no good thing will He withhold from them.

So, if singleness is His gift to us in this season of our lives, then we must trust that it’s for our good and for His glory; and learn to enjoy it while it lasts.

And can I tell you? If you’ve chosen to wait on God – doing what He says, how He says and when He says – even though you’d rather have it right away, I’m sure He’s proud of you. He’s probably looking down at you saying, “I’m pleased that she’s choosing to do things My way.”

Choosing to do things God’s way, may mean that you don’t get what you want right away, but it’s the right way.

Knowing that God is pleased with you should keep going, let His joy be your strength. Resolve to do things God’s way, no matter how long it takes; it pays in the long run.

When it gets hard, like it does sometimes, remember;

• Who you are waiting on – God.
• That He who has promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10:23)
• It’s good to wait on God. (Lamentations 3:26)
• You’re not wasting time, God is working. (Isaiah 64:4)
• God is good to those who wait for Him. (Lamentations 3:25)
• His grace is available and sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
• You won’t regret waiting on Him. (Isaiah 49:23b)

The weight of what’s coming is worth the wait.

I pray you never have to say, “I wish I’d waited”, because you know what, waiting may be hard but wishing you waited is harder.

Be encouraged.

Ensinglepedia: Ain’t Nothing Wrong With You

“What is wrong with me”, is a question I bet every lady who desires marriage but has been single for longer than she planned, has asked. I know I’ve asked it.

It’s hard to not feel that way, when everyone but you is getting what you want, but girl, the truth is;

Nothing is wrong with you, God just has a different plan for your life.

Remember these five truths, when next you feel that way, the maybe-something’s-wrong-with-me way;

• You are loved, by a loving Father, with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

It’s easy to feel unloved because you’re single, but just because you feel it, does mean it’s true. God loves you. He’s put you in the lives of people who love you and put people in your life who also love you. Our feelings may try to tell us otherwise, but they lie.

• You are not without purpose. (Psalms 57:2)

Just because you ain’t married doesn’t mean you don’t matter.  Those dreams and passions God has placed in your heart don’t have to wait till marriage. Begin now, right where you are, He’s got grace – available and sufficient – for you there.

• You are not incomplete. (Colossians 2:10)

When God was going to give the first single guy in the bible (Adam) a wife, He said He’ll give Him someone to complement him, not complete him (Genesis 2:18). Two shall become one – not two halves, two ‘wholes’. That’s the math in God’s marriage class. We are complete in Christ, the bible says. He’s the only One who truly satisfies.

A man cannot complete you, marriage does not complete you; Jesus does.

• You are not being punished. (John 3:16)

Over 2000 years ago, God sent His son, Jesus, to take the punishment for our sins. If you believe this, whatever wrong you’ve done has been paid for and guess what? Jesus paid in full, not in parts; He didn’t leave some that you have to pay for by being single. He’s not punishing you, if anything, He’s polishing you, not necessarily just for a man, but for His glory and for your good.

• You are not wasting time waiting on God. (Isaiah 64:4)

No sis, if anything , you’re saving yourself from wasting your time. Waiting can be hard. Ever heard anyone say, “I just love waiting, I really enjoy it”? Me neither. God is faithful – He works, while we wait. He does what He says. He sees what’s ahead, which you can’t; so you want to walk with Him, not try to get ahead of Him.

So, trust Him, girl, keep trusting Him.

When next you get the maybe-something’s-wrong-with-me feeling, say this to yourself;

Ain’t nothing wrong with me, it just ain’t my time yet.

*******

Ensinglepedia is a fresh, faithy, fun new series on the blog.

As you might have guessed, it’s a play on the word – encyclopedia – we’ll be sharing truths for singles, truth about singleness for those that aren’t single, lots of other fun and encouraging stuff, in a different and interesting way.

It’s a good thing you’ve already subscribed, if you haven’t, why waiteth thou? 🙂

Do stick around for other parts of the series.

Be encouraged.

“Man Na Man” (And 4 Other Bad Advice Single Ladies Get)

Some of us don’t ask for the advice we get as single ladies, but we get them anyway.

Some, however, are good and helpful, but some are just downright depressing and bad advice actually, from which we’re to guard our hearts.

Without further ado, here’s a few bad ones I’ve received personally or heard others receive;

1. “You can manage him now”: Someone told me this, trying to encourage me to stay in a relationship with a guy who wasn’t exactly kind to me in words and actions, because this person felt I was running out of time and just needed to get married. This is bad advice because eventually I was the one going to be in the marriage, not them, for how long would I have “managed”? You can’t marry someone hoping they change, it may never happen and you shouldn’t stay in a relationship that’s not good for you, just to make someone else happy. Yea, no one is perfect, even Mr Right isn’t, that’s why he’s Mr Right, not Mr Perfect, but “just because you accept someone for who they are doesn’t mean you don’t expect them to grow and be better, it just means, you are OK to start from where they are” (Tobi Atte), that’s not managing, if you’re OK with them. So, ask me if I’m OK, if I’m happy, don’t tell me to manage.
2. “So and so will make a great husband, he’s a great (insert church work)”: OK, just because someone works in church, doesn’t automatically mean they’ll make a great spouse or marriage to them will work. Making a marriage work, requires more than just being a worker in church, read more on that here.
3. “Make sure you get married before you’re 30”: This is just wrong because, first of all, just because you got married before 30, doesn’t mean everyone else will or has to, for that matter. It’s not like we can just up and order a husband online as a gift to ourselves on our 29th birthday. Let’s not even talk about the desperation this kind of advice can drive one into because they are trying to beat a supposed timeline or the rash decision they can end up taking and the harsh effects they may have to deal with in the long run, just because, God forbid, they listened to someone who said they should be married before a particular age. Someone actually told me this once, I hadn’t heard from her in a long while and one day she chatted me up and left me with those words, funny thing is, she never followed up, imagine if I had gone ahead to do something crazy, based on her advice?
4. “You shouldn’t do so and so till you are married”: Especially if this concerns your dreams or things you’re passionate about. Being single doesn’t limit you, it doesn’t mean you don’t matter or can’t fulfill purpose and it’s certainly doesn’t mean you should put your life on hold. Chasing your dreams, will not keep the right man from coming for you. Do your thing gal, don’t let nobody tell you nothin’.
5. “Man na man, no be just to marry?”: For my non-Nigerian readers, this basically means “pick any man already, is it not just to get married?” Well, sis, you can’t marry just anyone, just because you want to be married, not as important as marriage is and as potent as it is to practically mar one’s life if it goes wrong. I like how Laju Iren puts it, “better nobody than the wrong somebody”.

As important as marriage and the decision on who to marry is, I really wish that people will learn that being flippant with words is not okay and before giving an advice, stop to consider, what if this person actually takes my advice, then give it only if you can honestly answer that they will be better for it.

Sis, the need to recognize and guard our hearts from unwise counsel, cannot be overemphasized.

Have you received or heard any of these or you’ve got some other ones, sound off in the comments.