Encouragement For Singles

“Man Na Man” (And 4 Other Bad Advice Single Ladies Get)

Bad Advice Singles Get

Some of us don’t ask for the advice we get as single ladies, but we get them anyway.

Some, however, are good and helpful, but some are just downright depressing and bad advice actually, from which we’re to guard our hearts.

Without further ado, here’s a few bad ones I’ve received personally or heard others receive;

  1. “You can manage him now”: Someone told me this, trying to encourage me to stay in a relationship with a guy who wasn’t exactly kind to me in words and actions, because this person felt I was running out of time and just needed to get married. This is bad advice because eventually I was the one going to be in the marriage, not them, for how long would I have “managed”? You can’t marry someone hoping they change, it may never happen and you shouldn’t stay in a relationship that’s not good for you, just to make someone else happy. Yea, no one is perfect, even Mr Right isn’t, that’s why he’s Mr Right, not Mr Perfect, but “just because you accept someone for who they are doesn’t mean you don’t expect them to grow and be better, it just means, you are OK to start from where they are” (Tobi Atte), that’s not managing, if you’re OK with them. So, ask me if I’m OK, if I’m happy, don’t tell me to manage.
  2. “So and so will make a great husband, he’s a great (insert church work)”: OK, just because someone works in church, doesn’t automatically mean they’ll make a great spouse or marriage to them will work. Making a marriage work, requires more than just being a worker in church, read more on that here.
  3. “Make sure you get married before you’re 30”: This is just wrong because, first of all, just because you got married before 30, doesn’t mean everyone else will or has to, for that matter. It’s not like we can just up and order a husband online as a gift to ourselves on our 29th birthday. Let’s not even talk about the desperation this kind of advice can drive one into because they are trying to beat a supposed timeline or the rash decision they can end up taking and the harsh effects they may have to deal with in the long run, just because, God forbid, they listened to someone who said they should be married before a particular age. Someone actually told me this once, I hadn’t heard from her in a long while and one day she chatted me up and left me with those words, funny thing is, she never followed up, imagine if I had gone ahead to do something crazy, based on her advice?
  4. “You shouldn’t do so and so till you are married”: Especially if this concerns your dreams or things you’re passionate about. Being single doesn’t limit you, it doesn’t mean you don’t matter or can’t fulfill purpose and it’s certainly doesn’t mean you should put your life on hold. Chasing your dreams, will not keep the right man from coming for you. Do your thing gal, don’t let nobody tell you nothin’.
  5. “Man na man, no be just to marry?”: For my non-Nigerian readers, this basically means “pick any man already, is it not just to get married?” Well, sis, you can’t marry just anyone, just because you want to be married, not as important as marriage is and as potent as it to practically mar one’s live if it goes wrong. I like how Laju Iren puts it, “better nobody than the wrong somebody”.

As important as marriage and the decision on who to marry is, I really wish that people will learn that being flippant with words is not okay and before giving an advice, stop to consider, what if this person actually takes my advice, then give it only if you can honestly answer that they will be better for it.

Sis, the need to recognize and guard our hearts from unwise counsel, cannot be overemphasized.

Have you received or heard any of these or you’ve got some other ones, sound off in the comments.

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Encouragement For Singles

930 Words Of Encouragement For The Single Sister Desiring Marriage

An Open Letter To The Single Sister

Hey girl,

How are you doing? How are things with you?

What have you been up to lately? Hope you are making time to do the things you enjoy?

It’s been a while, so I thought to write you, single gal to single gal, to remind you that you are not alone. Yea, situation report from your end says all your friends are married/getting married except you, well, guess what sis? It’s the same here, all my friends (even non- friends, lol) are married/getting married too. It can seem like you’re alone or left out but no, almost everyone is getting married these days, but there’s a lot of us who are still single, a L-to-the-O-to the-T.

“A lot? Is that supposed to make me feel better?”, you ask. Well, it helps to know you are not the only one, because that’s one lie the enemy sometimes, uses to drive us into desperation. He makes you feel like you are the only one, so you want to do anything possible to not be left out and prove by any means necessary, that nothing is wrong with you.

But there’s absolutely nothing to prove girl, because nothing. is. wrong. with. you.

You are single, that’s it. That doesn’t make you any less qualified to live (your) life, chase your dreams, impact the world, if anything, it even qualifies you.

Singleness is not a burial ground for your skills and zeal, it’s a birthing ground.

You know Apostle Paul from the bible now, the man was single and I want to believe you’ve read of his exploits for God. I know you are not Apostle Paul, I’m not either but what I’m trying to make you see here is that, being single doesn’t limit you.

There may be are people who’ll try to make you feel like it does, like you don’t matter because you’re not married, people will not let you come and be single in peace, they won’t let you drink water and keep your cup because there’s no ring on your finger; listen sis, you don’t owe them anything, so you don’t have to pay them anything, especially attention. This is your life we’re talking about here, not theirs.

All people ask you is, “when are you getting married”, “when are we eating your rice”, the blah, the blah, when there are more serious questions like, is it the little boy that gave Jesus two fishes then, that’s in charge of the sardine company now, because it’s only two fishes we find in those sardine cans these days and that’s if you’re lucky, lol, but seriously, there are more serious questions like, “how are you”, “what are you doing now”, “do you need something”, “how’s your faith”?

You agree, right?

Right, but no, all we get is, “when are you getting married”?

I hope you don’t let them get to you, I know it hits hard sometimes, gets really frustrating having to deal with such (regularly), but try not to let it get you.

On how to answer, just be polite and honest (when necessary), you can also use the opportunity to (nicely) tell them about the MYBM- Mind Your Business Ministries. Mmm hmmm!

Resist the urge to compare you life to someone else and just surrender to God’s unique plan for you. Remember, you are not alone, nothing is wrong with you – this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t learn, grow and develop yourself all round but just because you are not married, doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

Stop letting people treat you like you have a disease called singleness; singleness is not a disease, stop acting like it is.

Don’t let people rush you either, they’ll only attend your wedding, you are on your own in marriage- you, your spouse and God, so be encouraged to keep trusting God to send you one of His sons, in His time and wait on Him- not wait like you are just sitting, waiting for food in a restaurant but more like you are the waitress, serving, up and about, attending to what God wants you to attend to.

Lastly but not “least-ly”, girl please, please don’t put your life on hold saying it will begin when marriage happens, live your life.

If your life doesn’t begin till you have a man, wouldn’t you have been given a man, when you were given your life?

Even when someone tried to make a quote on when life begins, he said, “life begins at 40” (not when you get married), but as God’s children and as we always say here, we know that life begins, is fully lived and enjoyed with/in Christ, not with/in marriage.

I know it gets hard and terribly lonely sometimes, but one thing you shouldn’t do is compromise or just settle out of loneliness, “being lonely in a bad marriage is far worse than being lonely single.” (Jon Tyson)

Don’t settle darling, let God settle you.

Trust me, I can’t wait to get married too, marriage is beautiful, the desire is good but I know that God’s timing is nothing less than perfect.

Marriage was God’s idea, so trust Him to execute it as it concerns you.

Always remember, you are loved, like, so much, you matter, God’s not forgotten you, He’s got you, He knows better, His time is the best and He’s got sufficient grace, available for you, right where you are.

Be encouraged sis. ❤

I’ll write you again soon and I’d love to hear from you too, contact me here or just leave a comment.

 

Encouragement For Singles · Everything Else

Don’t Marry Him Just Because He’s Close To The Pastor Or A Worker In Church

Dont Marry Him Just Because Hes Close To The Pastor Or A Church Worker.jpg

So, there’s this guy in church you kinda like, he’s in the choir, great singer, always smiling and seems kind, you’ve even imagined yourself as being Mrs that-great-guy-in the-choir (yea, just keeping it real, sis to sis), he’s even close to the pastor, so he must really be a great guy (you’ve thought) and just the other day, one of those church aunties who’s has been on your case- to get married – asked you what you thought about him, “he’s single, you know”, she said.

*******

Okay sis, just because a man is close to the pastor or is a worker in church, doesn’t automatically make him ‘marriage material’.

You should want to marry that guy because of more than just him being a great singer, close to the pastor or endorsed by your church auntie.

Closeness to the pastor doesn’t necessarily translate to closeness to God.

That guy you like just because he’s a great singer or (insert his church work), remember he’s not always singing or (insert his church work).

Do you really know him?

How is he when he’s not on ‘duty’?

How is he on other days of the week?

How is he outside church?

Do you even really like him, or you just want to get married and  a guy who’s a worker in  church seems safe to settle for?

Have you talked to God about it?

Because marrying them just because they work in church or are close to the pastor is not what will make you have a happy, healthy marriage.

Marriage requires more of who he is than what he does, it requires more than your spouse being close to the pastor or being a church worker, to work.

More than that, they should be close to God, truly walking with Him and letting Him work in them…

Importantly, you should seek God as you make your choice, even if they are in church (you want to be sure they are in Christ).

The pastor can counsel you but he’s not going to live with you guys and you guys ain’t going to be singing or ushering or doing whatever church work made you choose him, 24/7 of your married lives.

Working in church is not necessarily what will make him a good husband, walking with God is.

I’m not saying don’t marry a man who’s close to the pastor or a worker in church, I’m saying don’t marry a man just because he’s close to the pastor or a worker in church.

There’s a difference sis.

*******

So, for that-great-guy-in-the-choir who happens to like you too, don’t consider marriage just because he’s in the choir or your church auntie endorsed him,  get to really know him and most importantly, talk to God about it.

Encouragement For Singles

Dear Single Sister: You’re Not Being Punished

Dear-Single-Girl-You-Are-Not-Being-Punished

Dear girl, who thinks she’s being punished with singleness –

If God wanted to punish you, it wouldn’t be by keeping you from having a man, He would have kept you from having His Son.

“He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things?” – Romans 8:32 AMPC

Did you see that part? “Gave Him up for us ALL.”

When Jesus said “it’s finished”, that was all He said. He didn’t say, it’s finished but some of you ladies have to pay for your sins by being single.

Jesus paid it all, in full.

For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his life [in the eternal kingdom of God]?” – Mark 8:36

What’s the gain in getting a husband and ending up in hell? But God has gone all out to sort that out and save you from hell (if you’ve got Jesus…), so what are we talking about?

Which of these is punishment – ending up in hell or not having a husband?

Hear this sis: GOD LOVES YOU.

His thoughts and plans are for your welfare and peace, not for evil. (Jeremiah 29:11)

He doesn’t love you less because you’re single, that’s a lie from the devil.

You are not less blessed or missing out. Another lie.

He’s not punishing you, if anything, He’s polishing you, not necessarily or not just for a man, but for His glory and for your good.

So, rest in His love, dear girl and trust His heart for you.

Photo credit: stocksnap

Encouragement For Everyone

18 Reminders To Encourage You To Keep Going

Reminders To Keep Going

Happy New Year Guys!!! *covers face*

I know, I know, my apologies.

Friends again? 🙂

So, how has your year been?

Whether you’re going strong or (kinda) struggling to keep going, here are 18 reminders to encourage you;

  1. It won’t always be like this, remember it wasn’t always like this.
  2. Stay positive, stay faithful, keep being diligent where you are; soon, the king is going to need someone to interpret his dream.
  3. Your obedience should be independent of an audience.
  4. You mistake does not define you, don’t let it confine you.
  5. You may have blown it a few times, but God can still blow your mind.
  6.  God is not stuck wondering what to do with your life, He’s set to do wonders in your life.
  7. You may not know what God is doing, but you can trust that He knows what He’s doing.
  8. Trust that if God has you waiting, He won’t leave you hanging.
  9. It’s not late, it’s just been planned for later.
  10. Sometimes, things not working out as you planned, may just be things working together for your good.
  11. Just because it seems like nothing’s happening doesn’t mean something’s not happening, it’s because something’s happening even when it seems like nothing’s happening, that’s why we eventually see something happen.
  12. Things do not have to be looking good, for them to be working for your good.
  13. Being sold into slavery, after you dreamed of  being some kind of authority, doesn’t look good, until you realize that God used it bring you to that place of authority.
  14. We may encounter pits and prisons, but if we remain faithful and keep trusting God, we will (still) end up in the palace.
  15. Paths may change, but God’s plans (for our ultimate good) doesn’t.
  16. One day, you’ll see that God was working the whole time.
  17. And when you get anxious, remember God’s got you.
  18. Trusting God will cause you to rejoice, not regret.

“Jesus said to her, did I not tell you and promise you that if you would believe and rely on Me, you would see the glory of God?” – John 11:40 AMPC

Be encouraged.

Encouragement For Singles

#WIFE: Encouragement For The Single Girl, From The Christmas Story

Encouragement-Single Girl- Christmas Story.jpeg

2018’s Christmas day has come and gone but here’s some encouragement from the Christmas story, to keep you going.

We know the story, how the angel Gabriel came to Mary and told her what God had said, that she was going to have baby Jesus… (Luke 1:26-38 CEV), but let’s see (and hopefully be encouraged) by how she responded in Luke 1:34 & 38 quoted below, respectively;

Mary asked the angel, “How can this happen? I am not married!”

Mary said, “I am the Lord’s servant! Let it happen as you have said.”

Mary was single. Errm, no Sherie, she was engaged.

Errm, no sis, she was single, she even said it herself in verse 34 quoted above, she said, “I’m not married”.

Girl, if you are not married, you are single. Dating/Courting? Single. Engaged? Single.

Mary was single at the time she was told she was going to have Jesus and the only time she brought it up, the only time she brought up her singleness in her conversation with angel Gabriel, was when she was told the nature of what God wanted her to do. Perhaps, she thought, how could she have a baby, when she wasn’t married, won’t she have to have sex to have a baby and sex has to be in the context of marriage, with her husband? (Oh Mary, fine girl with sense.)

That was the only time she brought it up and when the angel told her that God’s got it all worked out because you see, “nothing is impossible for God” (Luke 1:37), she was like, alright, I’m God’s servant, let His will be done.

Hmm. I wonder, if she had insisted that she wasn’t married and hence didn’t or couldn’t fit God’s plan, would she be the one we know as Jesus’ mother today?

Will she be the one would be asking, ” Mary, did you know that your baby boy…?” (Meanwhile guys, considering that we’ve sang that song for years now, I guess Mary knows by now, so… Lol…)

What I’m trying to make you see here sis, is this;

You don’t have to be married to have a purpose.

You don’t have to be married to be part of God’s plan.

You don’t have to be married to fulfill/reach purpose.

You don’t have to be married to do all the great things God’s got lined up for you to do.

You don’t have to be married for God to use you.

Come on, girl!

It’s interesting that we celebrate Jesus’ birth, just before a new year, that to me is like another reminder, that He came to make things new, to give us life, to give us so many second chances, to start over, where necessary.

Sweet girl, will you do like Mary and say, God, I’m your daughter, your servant, let your will be done in my life whether single or married, help me surrender to your plans, help me not to put/to stop putting my life on hold because I’m single, help me to live, to be a blessing to others, for your glory?

You don’t have to wait till January 1st to this, you can decide now and continue.

I know it can be hard, I know we have our good, bad and just ugly days but you are not alone, you’ve got help. Angel Gabriel may not be there telling you not to be afraid, but God’s word tell us that repeatedly, to not fear, it tells us that He’s with us, that we are not alone, we are not without help, we’ve got His Holy Spirit, it tells us that God is faithful.

You are so loved girl, Jesus came for you.

Don’t let the wait make you doubt your worth.

You’ve got God and He’s got you, you will be fine.

The year may be ending without you having some things you thought you’d have by now but I pray it won’t end without you and you will see the goodness of God in the land of the living, in Jesus name, Amen.

Trust that what you didn’t get this year, you weren’t supposed to get this year and see it this way, now, you are a year closer… perhaps, even a day.

Thank you for being our friend here, we love and appreciate you so much and we are excited for all the wonderful things that God has in store for you. ❤

Happy New Year In Advance!

Be encouraged.

PS: A man like Joseph, Mary’s boo, is the kind of man you want to settle for, a man who submits to God, that kind of man is worth the wait.

Photo credit: pexels.com

 

 

 

Encouragement For Singles · Everything Else

Christmas Reminder

Merry Christmas.jpg

First of all, Merry Christmas y’all!!! With all my love  & all my hugs.

We thank God for loving us so much, He sent Jesus.

We celebrate that Jesus came, gave His life to give us abundant life.

And Dear Single Girl;

Let this Christmas be a reminder that Jesus did not come to give His life, for you not to have a happy life till you are someone’s wife.

Merry Christmas! ❤